Survivor’s guilt, Sick and Diet Adjustment

So a lot has happened in my life since my last post, it has taken me a while to digest everything and for life to return to somewhat normal for me… Two weeks ago the company that I work for and still love made a tough decision to lay off 6% of the U.S. work force. I wasn’t affected and still have a job but it’s tough to see so many friends posting to social media that they no longer have a job. People that I have known for the entirety of working at their and that I talked to in passing on a regular basis. The next few days were hard for everyone, those who were cut and those who were not. The atmosphere at work changed and a weird quietness settled over the company. I realized we were all suffering from Survivors guilt.

During this time, I was also coming down with a bad sinus and upper respiratory infection that made me have to stay home from the office, and I’m not ashamed to say I cheated on my diet during this time. Between the layoffs, and being sick my depression decided to rear it’s head and I honesty didn’t feel like doing anything. Once I realized and put a name to what I was feeling (Survivors Guilt) I was able to turn it around and get back on my diet. Right after recovering from being sick was Valentine’s day, so I did have to cheat a few more times for outings with my SO. But I was able to keep with within the limits of my diet by cutting out other meals.

I’m still dieting and exercising (abit it took me a little longer to get back into my routine of both cardio and lifting after being sick. I mainly stuck to lifting), in fact I got a t-shirt for most visits to the gym in a month for the month of January. I plan to continue and now that i’m completely recovered and have had time to digest the situation at work.

I’ve been eating at my RMR or right underneath since my last post, but I haven’t got on the scale. I’m starting to care less if I lose weight, because the truth is i’m starting to enjoy lifting. I feel better, I can stand up longer, my back hasn’t hurt in a few weeks. In general my mobility has increase 100%. This week I’m upping my calories intake from my RMR (2400) to 2800-3000 calories a day. I am mainly doing this because the weight I am lifting is starting to get heavy, for me, and it is taking me longer to recover.

This week my diet is going to be all bison, I have a lot left over once I put in some time this weekend to clean my deep freezer. If you haven’t had bison, I highly recommend it. It’s a very healthy lean meat and to me has a slightly sweeter taste then normal beef. I order it bulk from a company online shipped right to my door for a price about $3-$4 a lb less then wholefoods. I can also eat more and still have the same calories as normal meat.

My lift weights are as follows as of next week.

  • Squats: 130
  • OH Press: 85
  • Deadlift: 140
  • Bench: 85
  • Barbel Row: 100

Not heavy for someone who has been working out for a while, but for someone who is completely out of shape it’s an accomplishment. It feels great to be able to put two bags 40lbs of dog food on my shoulders and walk up steps without it bothering me, or having to set the bags down.

On a personal note, my heart goes out to all my friends, co-workers and ex co-workers going through a difficult time right now with the layoffs. We will survive this and remember we were all chosen to work at our company because of the type of people we are, we are the kind of people who if you throw us to the wolves, we will come back leading the pack!

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